I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
