i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
