you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
