totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
