he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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