To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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