Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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