Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just want nice things and good sex
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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