Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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