before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
