Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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