The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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