things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
