Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
