I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
