4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
