I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
