the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
