I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
