You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
