yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
