fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
honey bunches of taint.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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