i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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