we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
