he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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