You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Let's paint friendship bongs
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
