I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
