You can't special order awesome
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
