so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
