I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
