What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
