Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
