I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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