she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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