in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I touched a dick in church today
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
do nipples grow back?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
