I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
