he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
