is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
this will be a night to untag.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
