***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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