i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
