there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
