Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Let's paint friendship bongs
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I need a beard to bite.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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