I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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