I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Randomize
