You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
