Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
