i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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