don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
