the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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