lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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