YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
