he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
