Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
